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This delivery driver went viral because the people who ordered requested them to “send ur baddest bitch”. Jimmy, the driver showed up in a gangsta squat holding a twenty. Viral. That’s all it takes. I’m happy for Jimmy because I relate to him. I was once a college kid named Jimmy who delivered for Domino’s and had bad facial hair. It’s all so familiar. I wonder if this Jimmy is also the only white employee at his location. I was not only the only white guy but also the only employee fluent in English. It basically made me the assistant manager. It added a whole slew of other tasks to my position. Such as…

  • Deal with any customer who was angry and speaking too fast.
  • Calculate the credit card tips received by all drivers and run them in the bootleg program we had.
  • Fill out Iqbal’s paper work when he slipped on some ice on a front stoop and hurt his back.
  • Explain to Mustafa why Americans were happy when Bin Laden was killed.
  • Be my manager, AG’s best friend and invite him to all our parties. (AG was cool and this was easy)
  • Run the entire store by myself when the sun set during Ramadan and every other employee went to the back to feast.
  • Tell Othman some bullshit when he asked about the white college girls.

The big twist in this story is that the people who ordered the food and requested them to send their baddest bitch were friends of Jimmys. It was an inside job. That sort of changes everything to me. Hey Jimmy, why the fuck are you making your friends pay for dominos when you work there? Just make a pizza and take it to them. Grab one of the three pizzas off the holding rack that never got claimed and take them over.

We had people call in and order then never pick up the food all the time. Whenever this happened I drove past my house, honked my horn and gave the food to the roommates. When there was no food laying around I just made new stuff and drove it to my friends. It’s not like they were going to fire me,* who would do Iqbals paperwork if I wasn’t around? Who would calculate the tips and provide Othman with wet dream material? I was essential. It was two years of free food for me and my ten roommates.

So not only is this Jimmy a sucker but so are his friends. Don’t pay for Dominos. Never pay for Dominos.

*until we got a new manager and he fired me