car keys

This is something that has been bothering me for a while. My car keys are boring as fuck. I’ve got three keys on the loop. Car key. House key. Office key. That’s all. Yeah, sure this is all I need but it also feels like I’m a personality-less loser. At one point in my life I used to have other stuff on there. Beer opener was always a must. I had a Guinness one that I bought in Ireland at the Guinness factory. Then that broke so I bought a Bubba Gump beer opener from a Bubba Gumps in Hawaii. Those were pretty cool! They told people a little bit about my personality. I like beer. I like Forrest Gump. I like Guinness (this is false). The Bubba Gump one broke and I’m off beer now so I haven’t replaced it. I also had the opener/beeper thingy but the ring on it broke and I haven’t fixed it. So now I’m stuck with this. The most boring, lame keychain I’ve ever seen. The one good thing about it is it doesn’t take up much room in my pocket. That part is awesome.
I asked my family members to send pictures of their keychains to see what I’m up against. It turns out that this very may well be a male vs female situation.

For example, here are my mom’s keys.


Mom keys

Those things scream ‘mom keys’. If she ever lost those in a parking lot and someone found them they’d know right away that this was a mothers keychain. A million membership cards so she’s always getting her discounts and free cookie from Panera. Smiley face rubber covers on the head of the keys. Personality is coming through in spades here.

Now let’s take a look at my sisters.


ritzy keys

These aren’t on mom level but they definitely get some personality across. Beer opener to let you know she’s still #young and #fun (Ritzy can’t drink so this is a lie). Yoga membership card because for Ritzy yoga is life and a library card. I’d love to know the last time she went to the library. This is like wearing glasses without a prescription so people think you are smarter than you are. You don’t go to the library Ritzy, cut the shit.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. Take a look at my dads keys.


dad keys

That’s some real nice pocket space he’s got. Edge fitness club, the place he goes to the most besides the house and the office. He doesn’t even have keys to the house or the office. No one in my family has keys to my house in Connecticut. Keypad entry. I guess that’s how he gets into his office as well. Very simple keychain from dad. All we know about him is he owns an Audi and goes to The Edge fitness club.

Now look at my brothers.


Luke keys


Laughed out loud when he sent this over. He’s in high school so I was at least expecting a lanyard. Lanyards are all the rage when you’re in high school or college. I don’t really know why that is but it’s the truth. Now these are more boring than mine for sure, but the fact that his involves technology automatically make it cooler than my set up.

So the question remains… Does my key situation make me a giant boring loser or am I just a practical male?