Going In Style- April 7th
I’ve seen this trailer maybe a thousand times and it only gets worse and worse. There is nothing on this earth that will convince me to see this senior citizen piece of shit.
The Case For Christ- April 7th
You know what? This surprised me. It actually looks pretty damn good. I thought this was going to be some super holy-moly type deal but it actually looks interesting. The music throughout the trailer is WAY over the top and I’m sure it’ll be nonsense but I’m going to give it a chance. Maybe I can watch this and tell my grandmother I went to church this week. Same thing right?
The Fate Of The Furious- April 14th
I’m on the record saying I think this whole franchise is trash. It’s beyond ridiculous to go from racing local cars and stealing some cash here and there to… whatever the hell this is. They keep making them and people love seeing them. I don’t get it.
BUT… that being said, this looks pretty damn entertaining. I guess I’m just a sucker for the duo of Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham… but really I’m just in love with Charlize.
Unforgettable- April 21
Katherine Fucking Heigl. It’s about time they put her in a role where she plays herself. It’s a well known fact that she’s one of the hardest actresses to work with in Hollywood and anyone can look into her eyes and see the crazy in her soul. This was probably a therapeutic project for her. Finally getting away from wearing 27 dresses or being the “cute” girl who can’t find a good man. Being able to cut loose at last… I’d bet someone got stabbed on set for real because she unleashed her crazy train at full speed and couldn’t get it bottled back up again.
Good for her. This looks like shit though. Pass.
The Promise- April 21
Don’t be fooled by this just because Christian Bale is in it. He is a complete wild card. He’ll do some incredible movies and an equal amount of complete trash. This one is hammering heavy on the trash side. I was going to give it a solid SNOOOOOZZEE but pulled back a bit because of the action. Instead I’m giving it a “who gives a fuck” and moving on. Because honestly, who gives a fuck about a love story during the last days of the Ottoman Empire.
Metacritic gives it a 38 and Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 31. Looks like I’m in good company.
Born In China- April 21
(Glad to see they dusted off the Narrator who did every 90’s Disney trailer for this one.)
Ever see Planet Earth? How about Monkey Kingdom? Incredible right? It’s basically cheating but whatever it works. They just got a bunch of cute animal videos by following them around for months and then tied it all together in the editing room after making up some stories to go along with the footage. Brilliant.
Free Fire- April 21
OH. MY. GAWD.
The entire movie is basically one scene? Everyone is just shooting each other? Unnecessary violence? It looks hilarious? BRIE LARSON? Sign me up. I know it’s hard to determine what makes a “cult classic” but I think this has all the makings of one.
The Circle- April 28
The Circle is like a Google/Facebook/Amazon cocktail, GET IT? HAHA WOW that’s clever! Can you imagine if this were real? If they are listening ? How creepy would that be? Thankfully this sort of thing isn’t happening. It couldn’t happen. No way would anything get that big and become that powerful. I mean yeah, my medical records are online. My credit cards and all my banking are online. I share my life online. Everyone has a phone with a camera which is connected online… but yeah this is fiction with a capitol F. No way they are listening to me.
Not for nothing, that line “Knowing things is good, but knowing everything is better.” I can’t lie, it makes a lot of sense.
Sleight- April 28
I think the most interesting part of this trailer happens at the 18 second mark… WWE Studios? Really? That’s just confusing because this isnt wrestling, although it does look shitty with equally shitty acting so a suppose it has that WWE charm.
How To Be A Latin Lover- April 28
I’ve called a few movies “trash” in this month’s trailer dump. I don’t want you to confuse “trash” with “stupid”. Because even though this movie
might be is definitely stupid, there’s nothing wrong with letting yourself sit down and laugh at the dumb comedy. I have no idea who this Eugenio Derbez guy is but he’s definitely the Latin Rob Schnieder. (no joke, he’s been in a handful of Adam Sandler movies so the Rob Schnieder reference is spot on) The only thing that would make this movie a huge disappointment, because remember you can’t possibly have high expectations, is if they don’t give Salma Hayek any shine. Salma brings the crowds.