First of all, its a fucking dog. You don’t say “its not a car, its an Acura”. It’s a dog and it just because its a Chihuahua, doesn’t mean its shit don’t stink. I love how one sided this video was from the start. Probably a sheer millisecond of resistance from crackhead Amy Schumer over here before she has a fist full of feces.  She knew she was wrong. The camera man knew she was wrong. The junkie boyfriend? He didn’t even know what planet he was on, but he knew you pick up your dogs shit on it.

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 9.09.32 AM

Also, I think “Christmas was over 4 months ago asshole” may be my new favorite quote. Going to start using it maybe a week after Christmas. Just sounds straight out of the mouth of a 65 year old John McClain

 


A little context here, just to give you the sense of elation I had while watching this video. The front of my house is pretty much all sidewalk, aside from a big ass tree that has exposed roots and dirt. I have lived there for about 8 years now and have received probably 500-700 dollars in shit tickets from the sanitation department for not cleaning up any dog shit that scumbag neighbors leave there. No one in my house owns a pet, or has ever owned a pet, so you can imagine my frustration through out the years.

At first, I tried fighting the tickets. Showing the proximity to large apartment buildings of pet owners, posting “curb your dog” signs everywhere, expressing to the great Bronx County Court House that although it may be my responsibility to keep the public sidewalk public dirt/tree area clean, its not reasonable to expect me sit there all day on poop patrol while dozens of people walk their dogs throughout the day.

As of late, I have taken to guerilla tactics like this knight in shining armor, and let me tell you it works better than anything yet. My bedroom window faces the sidewalk, and any time I catch someone leaving the scene of the crime, I open up the window and take my megaphone (yes I have a megaphone) and politely ask them to pick up their dogs poop. Most of the time this works. Most of the time its some shameful, apologetic excuse. Didn’t have a bag, usually pick it up, so sorry. Whatever, just pick it up and no harm.  But every once and a while someone denies it was them, or just keep walking. That’s when I go total shock and awe.

I run downstairs like its Christmas morning, grab a pair of gloves and an envelope (I have these stationed at the front door at this point) and I simply return to the dog walker what they left behind. I put the dog shit in a big manila envelope, chase after them and go ” Hey you dropped this”. It’s not my finest moment but like I have written in previous blogs, sometimes sheer embarrassment is enough change a tigers stripes. Hopefully I can catch the next encounter on camera. I need to spread the word like this hero did.