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The Daily Mail

A mayor has been charged with murder after taking away the only oxygen cylinder from his town’s health service so he could pump BEER at a private party, it was reported today. Photos posted online of Brazilian Jose Claudio Pol’s New Year’s Eve party show him and his family using the compressed oxygen cylinder in order to dispense beer from a keg. 

But on the same night a patient who needed oxygen was found to have died because the cylinder had gone missing. She was put on piped oxygen, but when her health deteriorated medics decided to transfer her to hospital in a neighbouring town 20 miles away, according to the report. 

With no portable oxygen cylinder, the woman was transported without oxygen but had another heart attack before arriving in the hospital and died the next day on January 3, 2013. 

Pol, 58, who was mayor of Luiziana, southern Brazil, was suspended from his post after the photos emerged, but will now face trial after a technical report showed that his actions caused the death of the patient. 

According to prosecutors, Pol ordered a council worker to remove the portable oxygen cylinder from the town’s health centre and bring it to his home, where family members had gathered to welcome in the New Year with a barrel of beer. Several hours later, while the oxygen cylinder was being used to pump beer, a woman was brought into the health centre with a suspected heart attack.

Just some awful luck here for the Mayor of Luiziana. Guy was just throwing a party for New Years, and needed to make sure the beer was flowing plentifully. So he tells one of his minions to go grab him an oxygen tank, and a few years later he finds himself with a murder rap. Just happened to take the oxygen tank of someone who would go on to need it a couple days later and died. Dude was probably so confused when the cops came and knocked on his door.

I’m no beer expert or anything, and this is Brazil so I’m not sure how they operate down there,  but aren’t kegs already pressurized? And that kegerator thing you see? I could have sworn those use Co2 canisters. Pretty sure this dude literally took away someones last breath and just realized, “Ah shit, wrong gas. Oh well I’ll drop it off next time i’m passing through”.

Stealing a tank of oxygen maybe one of the dumbest crimes to catch a murder rap for. Oxygen, really?! Despite being the most important of the chemical gases, oxygen is boring as SHIT. You ever walk in a casino that pumps oxygen through the vents? Don’t even notice it. Breathing? Overrated, no one even realizes when they are doing it. Doesn’t get you high, doesn’t fuck with your voice, is found everywhere. O2 is a dime a dozen. If your gonna catch a manslaughter charge at least steal something that will A). pump your beer B). get you fucked up or C). put you out of your misery, because this party right here…

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…makes Fyre Fest look like Coachella.