SOURCE – A Texas mom is warning about the potential choking hazard of fidget spinners, that hot new toy fascinating kids and frustrating some teachers.
Kelly Rose Joniec says her daughter Britton ended up in the emergency room after accidentally swallowing part of the gadget, which then had to be surgically removed from her throat. The family declined to be interviewed, but local media report Britton is (guess how many) years old and is out of the hospital.
An ambulance took the girl to Texas Children’s Hospital, where an X-ray showed the spinner bushing lodged in her esophagus. Doctors had to use an endoscope to find and remove the metal object during surgery that required general anesthesia, Joniec wrote.

I heard this story while I was getting ready for work this morning. It grabbed my attention because it began with something like “Parents should be warned that those popular fidget spinners could be dangerous to their kids”…  Obviously I’m going to stop everything to find out how a fucking spinner could hurt kids. I figured they must have gotten bored with this craze already and started throwing them at each other. That’s the only logical way it could pose a threat in my opinion.

But oh damn, a child swallowed a piece of the toy… Yup that checks out. I totally understand swallowing small objects is dangerous for your toddler. I mean look at this xray, it’s terrifying:18581819_10154608487127828_2194121351439348525_n.jpg

Yup that’s bad news. Luckily it has a hole in the middle so it didn’t choke the poor infant, just restricted airflow.

I was briefly overcome with sympathy, but it only lasted maybe 10 seconds. Because when things like this happen I automatically start asking questions. Like how could this happen?
I actually have a spinner at my desk because my body is made up of  60% water and 40% ADHD, and I can’t figure out a way to remove those pieces without prying it open with a screwdriver. So how did this helpless mini-human manage to disassemble the toy? 18527517_10154608494347828_5764479029012170655_n.jpgOh because her parents bought her the cheap 10 cent knockoff. It looks like somebody went to Home Depot and grabbed 4 washers and some plastic to melt down.

But fine, I suppose a parent probably doesn’t know the difference between a good cheap toy and a cheap cheap toy. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt here because sometimes you never know it can go bad until it happens.
Despite my natural instinct to blame the parent (instead of the inanimate object) I still have a heart and I’m glad the kid is alright. Poor little tyke must have been terrified. I was hoping they’d show this little trooper before the segment ended so I could see the happy face of innocent bliss after this terrible ordeal, and the Today show didn’t disappoint:



Nope. I’m out on apologies or sympathy. If you have a 10 year old breaking toys, swallowing them and choking then you’ve failed as a parent. This type of behavior tops out at 5 years old. MAYBE 6.  But a 10 year old is just fucking embarrassing. How have we gotten to this point as a society that we need to blame toys for choking our 10 year olds? Darwinism says this kid probably should have died 4 or 5 times by now, but instead she’ll probably get a full scholarship to Texas A&M for her empowering tale of survival/ability to create a viral story.

I’ll leave you with the mother’s post detailing this ordeal on Facebook, which is exactly the way you’d expect a tech savvy stay-at-home mom to tell the world her daughter almost choked to death. It reads like a screenplay submission to Grey’s Anatomy, complete with an ambulance emoji, a little background info on the doctor, and of course a review of the new hospital in town…. This was probably the most exciting day of her fucking life.


*she put the spinner piece in her mouth to clean it… Jesus Christ how dumb and disgusting is this kid.