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(Everyone should be aware of this saga. I’ve written this up to bring everyone up to speed. It goes far beyond the average Bachelor bullshit and gets into some serious lawsuit action.)

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This news is critically important to me and my life. Not because I love, like, or even watch any of the Bachelor shows. (I hate them with a passion.) It’s because I live with a girl who does. She LOVES this shit and anyone who knows anything about BIP (bachelor in paradise, duh) knows that you need to watch and absorb every season to fully get the gravity of BIP. It’s like the Royal Rumble of this trashy reality show franchise. Just throw 10 guys and girls together to see what happens, and get a good mix of fan favorites and season villains of course to stir the pot. None of this works however if you don’t put the attention whores and douchebags all on the beach with hot tubs and a full bar pumping them full of booze all day long. Guaranteed ratings! Nothing could ever go wrong! Except it did… It was an absolute certainty a line would be crossed at some point. 100% chance someone’s getting their face kicked in, or sex stuff will be going on in front of everyone.

What does this mean for me? Oh nothing really… aside from the fact that come August my TV doesn’t get hijacked every monday and tuesday for 2 hours, sometimes even 3 hours a night. Because you can’t just watch the show, you have to watch the aftershow too. The people at ABC really know how to milk this bullshit for all its worth.

So who do I have to thank for this wonderful gift of good fortune? This crazy bitch:

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Yes. Corinne Olympios. The girl who “runs a multi million dollar company” aka she’s her father’s receptionist. She got drunk and hooked up with a guy named Demario in the hot tub. She claims she has no recollection of their interaction, and didn’t consent to hooking up. You’d assume she was taken advantage of (which still might be true, can’t judge without all the facts) but it’s definitely not the scenario I pictured when the news first broke. Apparently she was the initiator, shoving her bare crotch into his face while he was sitting in the hot tub, letting him do his thing.

THIS is where things get complicated. Demario has stated he remembers everything, but admits to being drunk. Corinne has stated she remembers nothing and was shocked at what happened in the hot tub BECAUSE SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT DUE TO THE FACT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND at home… Valid excuse. Nobody’s ever cheated on their boyfriend before, no way could that happen without being blackout drunk. So this gives us some potential sexual assault charges.

There’s one more person involved in this situation. Rumors are circulating that the producer who was on-set attempted to intervene and stop this (because you can’t have sex on tv, or on set because it’s still a workplace) and the show’s producers refused and made her sit there and watch. Imagine your bosses making you watch two drunk people have sex and make you film it? That’s a worthy lawsuit.

I know it’s a long, convoluted story that comes down to sex in a hot tub. I know nobody truly cares. But one thing to take away from this blog is I DONT HAVE TO SIT AND LISTEN TO BACHELOR IN PARADISE IN MY LIVING ROOM THIS YEAR!!!!!! HOORAYY!!

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