NY Post- Two men were caught on video launching avocados at a Bronx bodega worker — breaking the man’s jaw with the succulent fruit.The men went on the wild fruit-slinging spree in the Stadium Gourmet Deli near Yankee Stadium after an argument about their food order at about 4:45 p.m. on May 29, according to police.

After being viciously pelted with both avocados and bananas, the 21-year-old bodega clerk was taken to Lincoln Hospital.The victim suffered cuts and fractures to his face as well as a broken jaw.

Step aside C.C. The Yank’s have found their new lefty and they only had to walk across the street to find him. Absolute direct hit, straight to the jaw. I could just see Michael Kay’s pregame scouting report right now:

  • Green Machine: Love’s a healthy pregame snack (Usually Avocado)
  • Sling Shot: Quick release, rapid fire wind up
  • Real Estate: Location, Location, Location, and he’s got it!

Anyone that thinks an avocado is too soft to shatter some jaw, obviously hasn’t purchased them from a bodega. Those things are hard as shit, and have a rock solid core.  Fossilized Terradactyl eggs if you will.  They get them way before they ripen because they know they’ll be sitting there for a year or two like the rest of the produce lying around.

Regardless, you should never be starting shit with your local bodega guy. It’s like when they teach you to always be nice to the secretaries when you are doing sales. They are the gate keepers, the one’s that know all the in’s and out’s and dirty little secrets. The ones that make your life easier, and can make it MUCH harder if you rub them the wrong way.

You fuck with a bodega employee, the next thing you know you have to walk 2 extra blocks to get a sandwich, they give you wet lettuce on it,  and they don’t carry your favorite chips. I don’t know what the argument was about, but I know that it wasn’t important enough to warrant that drastic of a change in lifestyle.

And god bless his buddy. You could tell he had no qualms about grabbing some guac-ammo-le and letting it rip for some suppressing fire.