It’s no secret that all of us at Half Glass are big fans of Barstool. As an OG Stoolie I’ve been around long enough to see the transformation of the young, poor and happy Dave Portnoy into El Pres the media mogul millionaire. This change hasn’t just been financially based, its been a wild physical ride. He’s gone from an average young guy, to slightly overweight, then hammered the gross factor, and now he’s looking pretty damn great for a 40 year old.
How did he go from being so very gross to looking like he does today? Was it the multi-million dollar sale of his company? Was it the divorce? Could it have been the adderall? Or is he deathly ill? We may never truly know but I choose to believe that this transformation is of his own doing. He’s a smart guy. He’s got that big brain in his head and he understands the
world internet and everything that happens on it. He knows what works and what doesn’t, so it makes sense he’s finally discovered the perfect diet after years and years of trail and error. His very limited and specific diet has come up fairly often but I don’t think it’s gotten the attention it deserves. It’s a brilliant collection of snacks that has the potential for Atkins level devotion (if it works).
With July staring me in the face and my scale telling me I’m roughly 15 pounds away from where I want to be, I’ve decided to try this progressive and cutting edge diet. Behold the only 4 items I’m allowed to eat for the next 7 days- and maybe beyond.
Reduced fat Cheez-its, pistachios, watermelon, and baby carrots. (with adderall)
Those 4 foods are perfect. You’ve got your fruit, your vegetable, your protein, your salty, your sweet, your dry, your juicy, it’s all snackable, small portions, easy to obtain, no cooking necessary. The beauty of this diet? I can drink anything and there’s no limit on how much I eat. The adderall suppresses appetite, I’ll give you that, but I’ve been on it for 20 years so it’ll just be a typical week for me in that department.
Will it work? Who knows. I weighed in yesterday at 177lbs, and I’ll weigh myself again next week. I’m hoping for results but if that doesn’t happen then I just clocked a week of eating without cooking a single damn thing. That’s a victory in my book.
You can follow me on this journey on twitter @_Sheehan_
PS- my coworker sitting next to me is some sort of dietitian or something. She’s trying to convince me to mix in a protein bar every day because she doesn’t “trust” this diet…. I’m just like please respect the game.