There’s a lot to unpack here.
First and foremost I have to remind everyone of the time Dwayne Johnson talked about this in response to negative feedback: “In August 2016, Johnson clarified that the film would not be a reboot, but a continuation of the 1995 film”…. Ok Rock, how the fuck does that work? Like, how can that make sense in any way, shape or form? In 1995 they found a board game in the attic and it released a god damn jungle into their world. This one is a VIDEO GAME, and they get sucked into it and become avatars (?) I can’t even begin to think of a correlation between the two. Not even a loose one.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I hate the trailer. I’m actually pretty impressed with the concept they came up with, but just don’t try and tell me its basically a sequel.

I have a few questions. Most importantly- can these people die? What happens if their avatar dies? Do they shoot back to the real world or do they just die and never come back? Fingers crossed Jack Black dies, regardless of the implications.

Who will ruin the movie first? Jack Black or Kevin Hart? Those two are camera whores who always need to run their shtick no matter how tired it may be. I think it’ll be Jack, because Kevin playing a tall strong athlete makes sense for his routine. Jack Black being a selfish and spoiled blonde teenage girl just seems like a cheap way to land a joke but sacrifices character depth. The character is based on a joke, so anything that happens with that character is pretty meaningless. So like I said, I hope he dies early.

I’m a big fan of anything Dwayne Johnson does. HUGE fan. He produces a ton of garbage too, but he pulls it off because he’s just so god damn likable. And as much as I like The Rock, I’m a 10x bigger fan of Karen Gillan. LOOOOVEEE that woman. She first caught my attention in that really bad but entertaining sitcom “Selfie”.  Then she proved to me (because that’s important) that she can act when she played a bald purple alien woman in Guardians of the Galaxy.  And she’s a ginger. We ginger folk need to stick together.

 

Will Jumanji be good? Maybe. But it’s not THE Jumanji and I think calling it that is bullshit. They just used the name to get attention. Imagine pitching this to a studio? “we’re going to have 4 kids get sucked into a video game and they have to fight their way out of a jungle while looking like the Rock”… that doesn’t sell, but then say “oh, and if we call if Jumanji- because jungle- then we’ll get a hard nostalgia vibe and force discussion all over the internet” just like I’m doing now. It’s brilliant and I respect it, but nonetheless it’s bullshit.

#NotMyJumanji

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To be honest I’m still excited to see it.