The Dark Tower – August 4th

I want to say this is just another shitty movie based on a pretty popular book, but the fact that Mathew McConaughey and Idris Elba signed on to be the stars makes me reconsider that. The trailer might not do the story justice, so we’ll see.
But the fact that “the gunslinger” has mastered a 6-shooter and is heading into our world is hilarious. That’s like mastering pencil and paper then going up against a kid with adobe creative suite. Dude is about to be blown away.

 

Kidnap – August 4th

This is the type of situation a soccer mom thinks about while contemplating her dangerously dull life. Just a simple daydream to get her through the day before she has to take the kids to swimming lessons…. But for real this movie is more unrealistic than The Avengers.  I struggled just to get through the trailer.

 

Detroit – August 4th

I was ready to completely glaze over this one but it hooked me and I’m really looking forward to seeing it. Nothing to do with white guilt. Nothing at all. Looks really really good.

 

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power – August 4th

I typically only post nationwide movie releases. this is only limited. I never try to be political on this site and I wont start now, but the original Inconvenient Truth is such a well known documentary (maybe the most referenced doc ever) that I’d be failing if I didn’t remind you the sequel was coming out.
There are two ways to think about global warming:
A- If there were people around to stop the glaciers from melting, we wouldn’t have the world we live in today.
B- If we can prevent this change then we can save what we’ve spent centuries building.
Both are completely valid. But you’d have to be a real asshole to think climate change is fake and simply not happening.

 

Annabelle: Creation – August 11th

Nope! Didn’t watch the trailer, won’t watch the movie, I don’t need this shit in my life.

 

The Glass Castle – August 11th

Is this the first mainstream contender for award season??? Sure looks that way. It’s like Captain Fantastic but with a better dynamic. I don’t want to say too much about my hopes for this one but I will say it’d be nice if Woody got into some serious talks for an Oscar. That guy deserves it.

 

The Hitman’s Bodyguard – August 18th

This… this looks beautiful. The Whitney Houston song as a nod to The Bodyguard is just so god damn poetic it hurts. Ryan Reynolds can’t get any hotter in hollywood these days, and Sam Jackson is always electric. That moment at the 1:02 mark when he’s casually complaining as a car slams by him, if that’s the tone of the movie then this is a gift that will go severely under appreciated because no amount of praise can do it justice. Its like a better Starsky & Hutch. A better Lethal Weapon. A better Dragnet. A better movie for everyone to enjoy. I have high high hopes.

 

Logan Lucky – August 18th

I want to like this. I really do. But I have one major problem with it- You can’t have multiple respected actors play dumb at the same time. It’s kind of like that famous line in Tropic Thunder about never going “full retard”. You can get away with Channing Tatum being a fucking idiot, that fits. But when you bring Adam Driver, a guy who’s recently cranked out some pretty heavy and respectable rolls, down to a moronic paraplegic level, you can’t have James Bond Daniel Craig as an old lunatic in the mix. You just can’t. Not unless you’re going for that Dumb & Dumber vibe, which they’re clearly not. This is an attempt at one of those Judd Apatow classics from the early 2000s. Swing and a miss.

 

Polarioid – August 25th

I got 20 seconds into this before giving my screen the finger and walking away. Goodnight and goodluck.