How about this guy Dave (aka dgood826) accepting my gracious invitation to write for Half-Glass and then promptly writing a slanderous blog making me out to be a monster who denounses trash food and enjoys good cardiovascular health? The balls on this guy right? He seems to think that most perfect cookie ever is IMPROVED by rolling it in fat batter and then dipping in boiling grease.  Are we even open to this discussion?!? He posted a wonderful photo of some Food Network type product but in reality if you order deep fried Oreos you’re getting a bag of this 

 

Yeah, a bag of deep fried trash. It’s soggy, it’s gross, and it doesn’t even taste like Oreos. It’s a big ball of sadness and edible depression. That shit is garbage and will give you diabetes in one god damn sitting. Yes I might be an evil person who hates sunshine and happiness but I don’t think I’m out of line when I say anyone who enjoys deep fried Oreos is a bottom feeder and belongs in the deepest depth of the ocean. 

If you’re going to fight me you better back a stronger ally than deep fried Oreos.  It’s crumbly and weak and will kill you faster than I ever could.