I’ve become pretty good at judging screen shots before clicking on the video. Bit of a “judging a book by its cover” type thing, i’ll admit, . One thumbnail thats always a must click is when you see a little debacle involving motorcycles and cars. Two totally different modes of transportation that can never figure out how to get along on the road.  Always good for action. Let’s look at some previous examples.

We have the famous Range Rover vs. Bikers on the West Side Highway (one of my personal favorites)

The always satisfying “Helmet head butt” straight out of bum-fuck Mississippi. Just an instant 180 in attitude.

And now we have a new addition to add to the mix. Dweeby little biker boys vs. good old, grade-A hillbillies. I say dweeby because they tried to play tough guy and then pulled the age card as soon as shit got serious. Furthermore actual bikers would probably scoff at even considering this little tyco mobile a motorcycle. Pretty sure my sushi was dropped off last night by a guy ripping one of these up and down the sidewalk.

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We were also lucky enough to have some of the essential parts to any hillbilly drama. We have the over-all’ed local jokel patrolling his town with shotgun in one hand, and a spittoon in the other.  The stature, the pant-legs rustled over the boot-leg, the shit wagon truck of his, all topped off with the “I’ll blow yer fuckin head off” catch-phrase?  Just perfect.

As a dude from the North-East, I thought these type of guys only existed The Deliverance and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but boy was I wrong. That one dude with his hands up in the air had the right idea. Your in his world now. No sudden movements, you hear?

As much as love this dude, I do have a little bone to pick with him. Not for nothing, but is there ever a more opportune moment to fire a round off into the sky to break up the chaos? Was foaming out the mouth for one of those, it’s the cornerstone of any legitimate dixie dust-up, and its something i’ve always wanted to do. Not necessarily clad in head to toe in denim but nevertheless, I feel like I need to experience the power trip associated with breaking up a brawl by firing off a 12 gauge round into the sky. Watch everyone instantly respect your authority and give you those eyes your dog gives you when you fart real loud…i’m sure its quite the thrill.

We also have the pot bellied psycho who saw this go down from his drive way, and promptly jumped in his truck to respond to the scene. I see those neighborhood watch signs posted in suburban areas, but boy did was I unaware of the bond that brotherhood actually carried. This place don’t fuck around when it comes to patrolling the roughians! That dude took one look at some piss ant kids messing with his neighbor, and responded quicker than Anthony Weiner to a 15 year-old’s Kik message.

Appears out of NOWHERE! This guy has been itching to get himself involved in a court justified homicide for decades. He saw the flash of gun metal, and locked onto it like a shark on blood. Even wrestled for the gun a little bit to get a little taste himself. When that didn’t work he decided to go for an all-time alpha move showing off his tattoo, and SPECTACULAR gut at the same time. A killing of two birds with one stone, if you will.

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Still not sure what exactly he claims it is that makes him “the real deal”. Sure, it may be the tat which could range from white-supremacy to a Sons of Anarchy tribute piece, but i’m going with that gut. Intimidating as fuck. “Yes sir, you’re right. You are the real deal, I’m sorry, I’ll go home now.”  You don’t mess with rednecks on their turf, and you certainly don’t mess with a guy that has no qualms about strutting that pile of paunch in your grill.

Just ask all three of these dudes.