I went searching for something happy and interesting to blog about since apparently the entire entertainment industry has been molested by someone OR has been molesting someone else. It’s a never ending parade of awful and I’m just trying to find something worth getting excited about. Low and behold I stumble upon this headline:
“Blockbuster Video has become an Alaskan tourist attraction”
GREAT!! I can work with that! Who doesn’t remember those days when your parents would drive you to the video store and you got to run up and down the aisles looking for something good to rent. You’d be bullshit when all the new releases were gone and you couldn’t tell until you got real close because the copies would be placed behind the empty display box. If Ace Ventura was ever actually there you’d get giddy with excitement as if you found some sort of white whale. Without fail there would be some “2 for 1”, or “rent an extra day free” promo going on. That candy was stale as shit and everyone knew it because no one would buy it seeing as how there was a perfectly good CVS with better options right next door. The video store was an incredible place and I miss it all the time. No, I will never choose going to a store over being able to get any movie I want automatically through my TV with internet connection, but you get my point.
So I got through maybe 30 seconds of this video before I realized it wasn’t what I was expecting… It wasn’t about to take me on a pleasant trip down memory lane. No, this Blockbuster isn’t there for nostalgia. It’s there out of necessity because apparently there are parts of America that are technically a 3rd world country. This was depressing as shit. I wanted to single out the most depressing line but I couldn’t, there were just too many:
- “People come into the parking lot just to take pictures of the building”
- “The internet in our house, and all that, isn’t fully functional”
- “We don’t have a lot of money to afford the cool wifi they got to be able to download stuff.”
- “For 49 cents you can get a cool movie”
- “There’s nothing better than being able to go home to your wife and be like Hey, I got a couple movies and some popcorn for $5.99!”
- “I still have a VHS, we just barely got the blu-ray”
- “Most people don’t think we’re a part of America”
- “We sell a lot of the tshirts here, the hoodies, water bottles, backpacks”
- “People want membership cards, we send out membership cards all the time. Yeah, granted there are no blockbusters there but its still cool, it makes us feel important”
These people are living in a god damn prison. There comes a point where comfort becomes necessity, and internet is one of those things. These poor bastards probably think the Harlem Shake is still relevant. Why would you live in a place like this? Saying Netflix to DVDs is like e-readers to books?!? THATS LUNACY.
Help yourself out one time, move to a house with an ethernet cord. Don’t live in a place where tourists come to laugh at your life.
PS- This lady who was defending the stack of faded DVDs she was holding, she is in full blown denial about her life. I’d put her on the watch-list to make sure she doesn’t drive herself into the nearest moose.