The Shape of Water- December 8th

Is this what we’ve come to? This movie was just named AFI’s top 10 movie of the year. It’s a lock for an Oscar nomination. It’s critically acclaimed… and it’s about a cleaning lady falling in love with a fish person. Do we need to blame credit the superhero phenomenon for this? Has the world just suddenly become ok with science fiction? Wild times. Good for cleaning ladies everywhere. They earned this one.


The Disaster Artist- December 8th

I saw this trailer months ago and I blew it off as just another dumbass James Franco movie. I need to stop doing that. Now that I know the whole story it’s clear this thing is a masterpiece. Franco might actually be a phenomenal actor. It’s about a guy who wants to be an actor but sucks at acting. He finds $6million to make his own movie. Here are the highlights:



I, Tonya- December 8th (limited)

Margot Robbie isn’t just incredibly beautiful… she’s the real deal. She might actually be Tonya Harding to be honest. The story of Harding and Kerrigan is fascinating stuff, I highly recommend watching the 30 for 30 documentary on it, and watching this clip over and over again. We’re so lucky the police were able to figure out who was responsible for the attack so we have this story. Luckily for them the guy who did it told everyone he knew.


Star Wars: The Last Jedi – December 15th



Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle- December 22

I’ve come full circle on this one. I was leading the way with pitchforks and torches a couple months ago, but not anymore. This looks like a great time. I’m absolutely in love with Karen Gillan but that’s besides the point here. I like the idea of the game getting pissed off about being shelved for 20 years and somehow tricking kids into playing it in video game form. Karen is stunning. The Dwane Johnson and Kevin Hart dynamic makes me laugh. My god she’s just incredible. I hope the fat man dies. I love you Karen.


Pitch Perfect 3- December 22

This is the 3rd and final one. These are trash movies. They are complete fluff. But the truth is I will miss them dearly and I hope they’ll make a 4th and 5th one anyways. I can’t get enough of the Bellas. ACCA SCUSE ME. I’m not crying.
Cups though.


Downsizing- December 22nd

Another one I’ve flipped on. I was riding high on Downsizing originally, but now it looks like it’s going to try and teach me something. It looks like it’s going to try and make me feel bad about my good full-sized life and how I’m not helping poor people in Africa. Whatever, Matt Damon. I liked you better when you were a murdering suburban father.


The Post- December 22nd (limited)

Fun fact: this was supposed to be an incredible movie. Huge cast. Huge director. Huge story. But the studio rushed it to make the cut for this year’s award season. Rumor is it didn’t come together too well in the editing room. We’ll see. It’ll be a massive shame if its not done well =(


Phantom Thread – December 25th

I’m going to watch this for a number of reasons, none of which include my enjoyment. I need to see it since it’s going to be thrown into Oscars talk, but I’m not thrilled about it. Fuck Daniel Day Lewis and his method acting. Screw this intense movie that revolves around TAILORING. But most of all, to hell with whoever decided to release it on Christmas. You know why they did that? So when it’s a flop on opening weekend, they can be like “oh well you know, Christmas and all”