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Feeling nostalgic today. I was just notified that my original blog, Random-Crits, is set to expire at the end of the day.  Kind of sad. Sort of depressing. I started it because I felt like I had a lot of time on my hands (what a difference a year makes, as I struggle to squeeze this in between the billion things I’m juggling) and I had a lot to say after watching that Brad Pitt disaster, “Allied”.

Fast forward a year and here we are. My bloglife is far from “taking off” but I’ve definitely developed as a writer, I’ve met some good people through it, and it got me on the radio to discuss a serial killer theory.  I’m hoping that in a couple weeks I can settle back into my one-a-day schedule of blogging because that’s where I’m happiest, and I’m having a great time on our podcast which I hope to expand very soon.
So yeah. In summary, things are going very average-ly.

In honor of Random Crits dying I want to give you my most-clicked blog. Published exactly 1 year to the day. (That’s fucking poetic) It always gave me joy when I saw it pop up in the daily click list. I really love the title…

Skinny Jonah Hill Is Trying To Kill Fat Jonah Hill Again.

Jonah Hill showed up to the Globes looking like a kid getting fitted for his bar mitzvah suit at Macy’s.  His enthusiasm was off the charts as he posed for this prison photo on the red carpet. It’s weird, but it looks like he was about to pass out…

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If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably because he hasn’t eaten since 2015. I just wrote a blog about how Fat Jonah Hill was back and bigger than ever in War Dogs. It’s almost like this was a giant “fuck you” directed at me despite the fact he doesn’t know I exist. I  was so ready for Fat Jonah to do some decent comedies again instead of trying like hell to be a respectable actor… know your strengths Jonah, stop fighting it. Look at this side by side:


You know what I see? On the left I see a sidekick at best. The awkward guy in the office who seems nice but is known for hitting ‘reply all’ saying thank you to whoever brought the bagels in the break room. He could be Katherine Heigl’s whipped and verbally abused husband. He’s a doormat. A nobody.

On the right is something totally different. On the right you have a presence. Someone who owns the room. He can be the aggressive over the top asshole or the lovable funny fat friend. He could be a king, a truck driver, a professor, or a veterinarian. He has range.

If Fat Jonah Hill continues to allow Skinny Jonah to pull this shit he’ll starve himself right out of work. That’s all I’m saying.