It’s the 2nd annual Half Glass Oscars Mega Blog!
I LOVE the Oscars. The trophy, the presenters, the red carpet, the whole show is a must watch for anyone who loves movies. NONE of it actually matters in the grand scheme of things despite everyone thinking they can change the world in under 30 seconds by giving an acceptance speech.
This blog is where I”m laying out my winning picks, (which are not who I want to win but rather who I think the Academy will choose… big difference) Click the links in each category for my description of each.
You know whats better than picks? PROP BETS! So I have a big list of those to help keep you entertained while we struggle through the boring shit before they get to the good categories at 3am.
And to wrap things up I did something special. I went through all 336 movies eligible for the Oscars this year and I put together a little highlight/lowlight package of notable movies from the past year that didn’t get any shine from the Academy. I had to omit some because I’m not positive how many links I can fit into one blog before it crashes
Best Picture– Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Best Director– Guillermo Del Toro
Best Actress– Frances McDormand
Best Actor– Gary Oldman
Best Supporting Actress– Laurie Metcalf
Best Supporting Actor– Sam Rockwell
Full ballot with all my 24 predictions can be found HERE
THE PROP BETS
Length of the Oscars ABC broadcast (starting at 8pm) Over/Under 3.5 Hours.
I’m hammering the OVER. No chance this thing wraps up by 11:30. It never does.
Will Jimmy Kimmel say “Trump” during the broadcast?
I don’t think so. He’ll reference him, he’ll may even say “the President” but I don’t think he’ll actually say his name, NO
Will Jimmy Kimmel say “gun control” during the broadcast?
Nope, not on the heels of another school shooting. Jimmy’s there to keep things light, he’ll let the winners bring that up. NO
Who will be the target of Jimmy’s first joke?
The main options are Trump, Fergie, Meryl Streep, Melania Trump, Black Panther, Ryan Seacrest, NRA, Robert Mueller, This is Us, Emma Gonzalez, and the Field.
Gut instinct, and maybe this is wishful thinking, I hope its Meryl Streep.
Will Jimmy Kimmel perform a musical number during his opening monologue?
I hope so, but this is gonna be a NO
How many times will “Trump” be said during the broadcast? Over/Under 2.5
Does this count if they say “trump card” or something was “trumped”? either way I’m going OVER
How many winners will continue their speeches over the exit music? Over/Under 4.5
This is a tough one. I think the globes had 5. I’m gonna assume it will be similar and go with the OVER
Will any winners be bleeped during their speech?
Frances McDormand is favored to win. So that’s an obvious yes even if she doesnt actually swear. YES
Will any winners trip or fall as they walk to the microphone?
We won’t be so lucky. NO
Total number of winners that put on glasses before reading acceptance speeches Over/Under 1.5
I think it’ll be 2, so OVER
Which film will win the most oscars?
Shape of Water has 13 nominations, Dunkirk has 8, and Three Billboards has 7. I think Three Billboards has the best chance to win at least 4 or 5, but the chances of Shape of Water getting that many are pretty high obviously. Although I think Shape is greatly overrated in most of those categories so my pick is Three Billboards
BEST OF 2017
Just a list of highlights from this year. I like to go through the entire list of movies released and cherry pick ones that deserve recognition.
Atomic Blonde– Charlize Theron running around in heels and taking down an entire police force? That will get my praise any day.
Baby Driver– This one probably got hurt in the box office because of the stupid fucking name. It’s also gonna be the answer to a great trivia question in a few years: name Kevin Spacey’s last movie
Battle of the Sexes– it really wasn’t that great. In fact, it sucked. But Steve Carell did an absolute monster job making us all laugh about misogyny.
Baywatch– I mean…
Beauty and the Beast– if you don’t get flooded with nostalgia and start moving to the music a bit when you hear this then you’re officially dead inside.
Blade Runner 2049 – such a weird movie, but weird kind of incredible. Might’ve been the most polarizing movie of the year too, but everyone agrees the hologram girlfriend was a nice touch.
Chips– Is it stupid to revive a 70’s tv show cop drama and make it a comedy? No.
Downsizing– Matt Damon does some pretty shit movies. I’m not sure he even has an agent. He might just do whatever script falls on his doorstep. It’s true, just look at his IMDB page.
Dunkirk– such an intense movie. The constant ticking in the background just amps up the tension I love it. Even when you think everything is alright that ticking is there to remind you shit is ALWAYS about to hit the fan.
Free Fire– I can’t believe I forgot about this one. I would’ve definitely included it in my top 5 of the year.
Ghost in the Shell– Who would’ve thought an action sci-fi with a half naked Scarlet Johanson would suck? After seeing the trailers, I think everyone thought that.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2– I will follow Baby Groot into battle at the drop of a hat.
Happy Death Day– a surprisingly very entertaining (very dumb) movie. It earned one of the rare 5 popcorn ratings!
Jigsaw– the 8th one in the series, they killed off the main killer in the 7th, but fuck it lets make him come back somehow for the 8th. It’s a halloween movie, plot strength really isn’t a priority
Jumanji– Speaking of digging up old tricks, how about Jumanji pretending to be a video game? Again, nobody really cares as long as its entertaining. And I ❤ Karen Gillan
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword– Another underrated one. No idea why it wasn’t absolutely beloved. It’s like Game of Thrones but more cocky and fast paced.
Logan Lucky– Shout out to our first podcast. I never knew a redneck Oceans 11 could be so good.
mother! – oh my god what an awful fucking movie.
I’m not putting a clip in here. Fuck that movie. I just wanted another opportunity to say it.
Murder on the Orient Express – I personally liked it when Johnny Depp died and managed to stay tucked into his bed after the avalanche hit the train.
Rough Night– The movie that set woman comedians back 20 years. Good job girls.
Spider Man: Homecoming – A Marvel movie? yup it gets some shine
Suburbicon – Want to see a gigantic disappointment? Watch this trailer and then watch the movie. Almost heartbreaking actually.
The Greatest Showman – an absolute delight. I’m not much on musicals, but I walked out of that theater one happy man.